Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

What might be the social consequences of an ethnic as opposed to a civic conception of the nation?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I actually pay taxes

Why are daughters mean to their mothers?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Can someone fall in love with a person they have never met in person, but only through thoughts and imagination?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I can read

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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have a reading level above third grade

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I can count

Why is the world male-dominated?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Do you feel uncomfortable when you come across cross dressers?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

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I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand how hurricane paths work

Why do some straight men like to suck dick but don't find other males attractive?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t cotton to rapists

Why in my 60s do I have a strong desire to suck cock and swallow?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

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I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I see through liars

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t buy bullshit

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: